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I recently read one of your aticles about a women who was having an issue with her man looking at porn. A lot of that article was true to my problems I am having with my husband, the only difference is that I have expressed many times over and over again on how I feel and what effects it has on me. My problem has not been resolved with talking, it actually made problems worse. He now hides it and does it behind my back. I cannot seem to get him to stop through all my best efferts and my question to you is..is there any advice you can offer on how to get over this or a way to convince him that he has a problem and I am not the only women that feels this way on this issue? Also is it wrong of me to feel that he has no reguard of my feelings and feel that he has no respect for me and my concerns?

You can not talk your husband out of sex addiction just as you would not be able to talk him out of an addiction to heroine.  His problem is greater than you, more powerful than you, has nothing to do with you, and is completely out of your control. It may also be at a point for him where he has no control over his behaviors either.  Many men I consult with who have a sex addiction and are ready to get help for it tell me that they have tried to stop many times.  I’ve counseled men who have lost jobs over it, lost marriages, spent lot’s of money, have even been arrested, endured public embarrassment—and still could not stop!!!  This can be a serious addiction.

 My recommendation to you is start to work on yourself.  Take the focus off of him and place it onto your own healing and personal growth.  Being married to someone who is sexually compulsive can erode your self-esteem and self-confidence, it can make you question your own value as a sensual-sexual being.    Please, go get yourself a copy of “Co-Dependent, No More” by Melody Beattie.  Written with drug and alcohol addiction in mind, all you need to do is replace those words with sex addiction and all else in the book will apply.  This book is for YOU.  It is written to help you learn how to detach from his behaviors and refocus your energies on to your own life again.  Also, if you want to learn more about sex addiction, I recommend Patrick Carnes, PhD “Out of the Shadows”.   The one thing this book WILL NOT DO is tell you how to get your man to stop looking at porn, but it will give you some insight into how powerful sex addiction is, why you are unable to “convince him that he has a problem”, and  it will help you to see that YOU are not the reason for it.