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Sex toys are objects or  devices primarily used in facilitating human sexual pleasures. The most popular sex toys are designed to resemble human genitals and organs, capable of enhancing and ensuring that the user gets the desired stimulation or ultimate pleasure being targeted. Reasons for use of sex toys vary from person to person, while many abhor its usage like a plague.

For those in this category too, the reasons are many. For many guys, the need for their women to resort to sex toy usage is simply an indication that they are not performing adequately in bed, and, thus, lack the capability to satisfy their women. They would rather die trying to please the women, or simply impose it upon them that they must learn to be satisfied with what is available.  

Many women also consider the suggestion to use them as an insult on their morality.

However, in recent times, more couples as well as individuals are having a change of heart. The market for these items, which used to be conducted in secrecy, is now being transacted in the open. Many adult shops or movie shops now sell sex enhancement drugs and toys to a growing number of inquisitive, daring and adventurous men and women. Busola Animashaun went  to town to seek the views of our respondents on this new trend. Beginning from this edition, she shares her findings with us.
 
Jennifer, (41), Business woman, bought one when her husband could no longer attend to her needs. Why? She has this to say:

I have been married for 15 years now and began using the vibrator about five years ago. I was forced to buy one on one of my trips outside the country. I had been staying at my sister-in-law’s place and the issue came up during one of our conversations.

My sister-in-law and I are a bit close. I don’t want to use very close because I always try to leave room for disagreements, and when that happens, you can’t really predict what someone can do.

Anyway, we got into this discussion and she told me how she manages to keep her sanity together in the very harsh, cold condition, especially as her husband shuttles between Nigeria and other countries on business.

I asked her to show me and she did. She even switched them on for me. She had three sets, and described the function of each. I was thrilled. She told me her husband is aware that she uses them and that he does not mind because it assures him that she is not messing up with other men.

From that point, I was hooked. It was as if I had been given the solution to the problem that I had been nursing for years. You see, my sex life was no longer the way it used to be when I first got married. I know this is a natural phenomenon with relationships, it becomes a routine of sort with time.

But then, things took a turn for the worse when my husband took up an appointment with the state  government. He could be in the office until the wee hours of the morning, and sometimes attended political meetings until the following morning. His time was no longer his and this really began affecting our sexual and even social life. But he made me know it was a price we had to pay to be successful in the society.

So, that was how we went to the shop and I got myself one too. I started using it right before I returned home. When I showed it to my husband, a quarrel began. He started abusing me and threatening to report me to my parents, that I had joined a bad group. I simply told him to ask his sister who bought it for me.

At first, he was shocked, kept silent for a few days, then began making trouble again. I ignored him. I gave him the option of either coming home anytime I asked him to, and doing his job the way I want him to, or he should just close his mind to what I am doing with myself. We fought over this matter for some months, and eventually, some of our friends and even his sister had to intervene.

Now he has come to terms with it, but he insists he must not see it anywhere in the bedroom. I should just know how to keep it away from him and the children. Now I not only use the vibrator, I have added some other stuff to it such as the nipple and clit clamps, they are wonderful. I’ve never enjoyed myself the way I am now.

Dele, (28), Student, just recently picked it up:
Though I have always been open-minded, comfortable with my body, and fairly sexually active, I had  never gotten around to actually buying one until recently. I think one of the reasons was a bit stupid.

 I was shy, I thought I would be embarrassed if I were to walk into a shop and demand to buy a vibrator and the attendant starts to look at me funny, or another buyer overhears me and looks at me somehow. I would have felt terrible. The first time I went to a sex shop was in the company of some girlfriends. Each of us looked at the types of vibrators they had on display, and made little jokes at them, but none showed interest that she wanted to buy. Deep in me, I knew I wanted it, but I could not say it in the presence of my girlfriends.

I believed they will not only make fun of me, soon the story will be all over the place that I had bought a vibrator and was probably hitting the roof with it every night. You know what girls are like, and how our people love to think too, even when they know the truth. So that was the situation until I met Steve, the guy I’m dating now. He is much older than I am, very exposed, he used to live in the UK where he went to school. After we’ve had sex twice, he asked me while talking in bed what I thought about sex toys.

He is a very open person when it comes to sex matters. So, we just generally opened up and I told him I’d never tried it, but I’d always wondered how it would feel. So, he suggested that we buy one, and he would show me how it is done. So, we got one at a shop in Ikeja, around Allen Avenue to be precise. It worked real wonders at least, the way he did it.

 I used to think that I enjoyed having sex, even though I did not reach orgasm most of the time. But that day, I came twice, first with the Vibrator and then with Steve. Since then, we’ve been having fun. Steve is so crazy he even asks me to use it on myself while he watches me. He says it freaks him out. Now I’m more open and true with myself. I express myself freely and I enjoy myself to the fullest. I think the problem with Nigerian women and sex is that we are too pretentious. We want to create the impression that we are decent and are not interested in the “sins of the flesh”. But deep down we are longing to be a part of it.      

Juni, (24), Student, insists there is inadequate information on usage:

The problem with the way people perceive these things is mainly from the sex shops. Most sex shops really don’t care about the stuff they sell, they already believe that whoever comes in to buy already knows about its use. They can’t even vouch for the quality and the usefulness of what they are selling. As far as they are concerned, vibrators are tools for sex enhancement That is all. But their services should also have strong focus on education, information and customer services such as feedback to help customers.

There should be a personalised approach. I bought my first Vibrator somewhere in the UK and I have been enjoying it ever since.

I use the vibrator because I don’t want to have sex with any man for now. I want to wait until I’m married. Yes I am born-again. I think there is a problem here. I am a born-again Christian, I did not say I am a stone or a piece of wood. I have feelings, and the fact that I am a Christian cannot remove that feeling from my system. At the same time, I am resolved not to have sex outside my marriage because of it’s implications. I prefer to manage my sex life by myself.

I don’t think I’m committing any crime by doing it, because I know some very good, spirit filled and tongue blowing Christians who have vibrators here. My relationship with God is personal, and I will do it the way I feel comfortable with it. And God has been answering my prayers, He has not disappointed me yet, and I’m sure He will not because I’m using a vibrator. So, I think I’m ok with myself.

SOURCE:  Yetunde Arebi, vanguardngr.com