SpicyGear Blog - Sex Education Articles From The Spicy Girls at SpicyGear.com

Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now. Im 21 and he is 20 When we started dating he was a virgin. The first time we had sexy he climaxed with in 1 or 2mins. I told him not to worry because he probably wasnt used to it and would last longer in time. We have been having sex now for a good number of months but he still only takes a few minutes. He is very caring and alway satisfies me other and i am happy with our sexual life but it makes him depressed. I've tried to tell him that it isn't important but if really wants it change to talk to a doctor but he says it is too shameful.So I thought I would do research to find help for him but i haven't found any answers. Please help.

Please assure your boyfriend that he has nothing to be embarrassed by or ashamed about. Premature ejaculation is very common in younger men. It takes time to learn the tricks of control. Anxiety and fear will only add to the pressure to “perform” and make PE (and ED) more likely. Tell your boyfriend that he first needs to relax. Take the pressure of him self. Recognize that what he is experiencing is very common. Just like any skill, it takes time, practice and experience. There are techniques that he can use either with you or by himself to help him learn how his body responds, where his ‘point of no return is’, and how to gain more control. One option is for him to masturbate to ejaculation first (and you can certainly help him with that), then take 20 or so minutes in pleasuring you. The refractory phase (the period of time the male is unable to have an erection after orgasm) in young men is about 20 minutes so he should be able to regain an erection after that time and maintain it with out climaxing too quickly.

Another option is the ‘squeeze method’. When he is about to reach that point and ready to climax you (his partner) can simply squeeze the end of his penis at the point where the penis head joins the shaft and maintain the squeeze for several seconds, until the urge to ejaculate passes. Please tell your boyfriend not to be alarmed if his penis becomes less erect. A firm erection will return as you continue foreplay. Repeat the technique each time he feels like ejaculating.

Kegel exercises are also useful in helping to delay ejaculation. This involves flexing the PC muscles to strengthen them and to develop more awareness of muscle control. He can first figure out how to do the kegel exercise by attempting to stop the flow of urine when he urinates. Once he discovers this muscle and the control he has over it he can flex it at any time. When he is driving, standing in line at the grocery store, sitting at his desk, Doing this on a regular basis will help him develop better ability to control ejaculations.

Appling a topical numbing cream to the penis before penetration is another option to help delay ejaculation. These creams typically contain a numbing agent that desensitizes the penis, helping to prevent premature ejaculation. He can do some research on the internet about available products.

Last and most least, some men opt for a pharmaceutical remedy. I would not recommend this for your boyfriend because at this point I’m not considering the PE he is experiencing as out of the ordinary and I’m sure the above options will do the trick. However for men who have chronic PE or develop it in later years some antidepressants have the side effect of delaying ejaculation. Some doctors will prescribe these to treat PE.

I hope this has been helpful. Again, rest assured this is nothing to be ashamed of. Remember, sex is supposed to be FUN!! Enjoy!