SpicyGear Blog - Sex Education Articles From The Spicy Girls at SpicyGear.com

Q. My spouse and I have been married nearly 10 years and we now only have sex one time a year. We are both at fault. I don't know why he doesn't want to, but I'm just not turned on. He never leaves me satisfied. So now I have decided to get a vibrator. I am embarrassed to say that I have no clue how to use one. Any tips?

No need to worry. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to know how to use the “i Vibe Rocket Vibrator” (which you can purchase online at spicygear.com) or any vibrator that matter. But by the sound of your post there may be other important points to make here that may help you in your quest for self pleasure. I think it may be important for you to begin with some lessons on how truly sensual your body is and ways to get your fire started through self pleasuring. What I mean by this is not just simply giving you step by step instructions on how to get off fast, but encouraging you to take the time to grow in your sexuality by learning about your body. When you’ve done this you will be better able to teach your husband. So to start lets forget about orgasm for a moment and focus on experiencing a build up of erotic feelings through sensate focused exercises. Learning how to get out of your head and be present in the “now” of what your body is experiencing is the key to heightened pleasure. There are some who have mastered this skill so much that they can climax with out any direct genital stimulation at all (lucky for them!!!).

Realize that your WHOLE body is capable of experiencing erotic sensations! Take some time focusing on things like how the warm water in the shower feels as it streams down on your head, back, breasts. Focus on the sounds you hear, the scents you smell. Slow down when eating and allow your mouth, tongue, nose the full experience of textures, tastes and smells. This is what sensuality is about! Then, take sometime in private, with vibrator in hand, and experiment by moving it along all different parts of your body…inner thighs, along your arms, next, stomach. Take your time. Take deep breaths. Attend to your body. If you notice chatter going on in your head--Stop. Breathe. And re-focus back to your body. You may move the vibrator toward your vulva but don’t go any further. Stop.

Before moving on it would be a good idea to get more intimate with your intimate parts. Get your self a hand held mirror and take a look at your genital area. When’s the last time you did that? Funny how guys get to look at their pleasure apparatus every day (several times a day, in fact), yet women very rarely do and may have been sternly discouraged from taking a peek since early childhood. Go ahead. Don’t be shy! Get your hands on a diagram or photo image of the female genitals that names all the parts. I found a pretty simple and clear one at: http://img.search.com/thumb/f/f5/HumanVulva-NewText-PhiloViv.jpg/350px-HumanVulva-NewText-PhiloViv.jpg . Get acquainted. Touch yourself. Say their names.

Once you’ve gotten a good ‘feel’ for what that part of your body is all about, repeat the above exercise with the vibrator. Again, take some time to explore your whole body, but then allow your vibrator to spend some time lingering around your genital area. Don’t go straight for the clitoris. If you are not adequately aroused, direct stimulation to the clitoris can be uncomfortable. Remember--If you hear that chatter going on in your head, drawing your attention away, take a step back, a long with a deep breathe. Then refocus onto all the fabulous sensations your body is experiencing.

Once you become more comfortable using your vibrator invite your husband to join you as you self pleasure. Men love to watch. Add to the fun by using it on him. And don’t forget to show him what gets you hot so he can take charge of that pulsating toy and bring you the satisfaction you’ve been so longing for.