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My boyfriend disapproves using a vibrator.

Lynne Santiago MS, LMHC

Lynne is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC) and Certified Sex Therapist with a private practice in Tampa, FL. Lynne received advanced, specialized training in sexual health and human sexuality from the Academy of Clinical Sexologists ... Read More About Lynne Santiago »

Have A Question For Lynne? Send our experts a note and we will be glad to assist you in anyway! Ask Us Here >

Q. My boyfriend disapproves using a vibrator. Is it bad to use it at all? ~ N.B.

Dear N.B.,

Sounds like your boyfriend may be feeling a bit threatened by that titillating sex toy. He may be thinking that you are questioning his own sexual abilities, as if he is not enough. Men like competition, but for some, the vibrator is a contender they think they can’t beat!

You can help change this thinking by using it on him first. Give your boyfriend a whole body wake up call by moving the vibrator along his body from head to toe, slowing travel toward his inner thighs and up closer to his genitals. Apply a bit more pressure around his scrotum and up and down the shaft of his penis. During intercourse, hold the vibrator at the base of his scrotum as he thrusts. This should give him a pretty powerful orgasm!

Another option…suggest some mutual masturbation, where you both watch the other self-pleasure. Use the vibrator on yourself. Men love to watch and once he sees how hot you get, he won’t be able to get that image of you out of his mind! He’ll realize that the vibrator can be an extension of himself rather than an additional bedfellow competing for your pleasure.

~ Lynne Angela Santiago, MS, LMHC
Licensed Psychotherapy & Consulting Services
SpicyGear Sex Ed Home | About Lynne | Ask Lynne Your Question Here

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