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Expert Advice From
Lynne Santiago  SexEd Expert Advice Feed

Lynne Santiago MS, LMHC

Have A Question For Lynne? Send our experts a note and we will be glad to assist you in anyway! Ask Us Here >

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Talking to your Doctor about better sex

    Posted by Jennifer Amato on 12/04/2007

The World Health Organization, when addressing what constitutes sexual health, includes not only reproduction and disease, but also the “possibility of having pleasurable experiences”.

Questions & Answers

 
Talking to Your Doctor about Sex - By Lynne A. Santiago, Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC) & Certified Sex Therapist 
 
The World Health Organization, when addressing what constitutes sexual health, includes not only reproduction and disease, but also the “possibility of having pleasurable experiences”. 

Sex is supposed to be fun, pleasurable and a nature part of our human experience.  It is an important part of over all well-being, to be included in the balance of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.  Satisfying sex with your spouse or partner helps in creating a lasting bond and adds to the over all health of your intimate relationship.   

Yet for many people sex brings on anxiety, pain and distress. Research reveals that some 30%-45% of people have problems or dissatisfaction with the sexual aspect of their life. For some, the desire for sex is low.  A study published in 2002, found up to 30% of women experience a lack of sexual desire yet only 17% of them sought help.   

Given these numbers, it seems talking to someone about this is warranted, yet many people feel embarrassed and uncomfortable talking about their sexual problems.   

Drugs, like Viagra and Levitra, have helped in making it more comfortable for men to talk to their doctors about their sexual concerns, particularly when it pertains to erectile problems.  Even so, many women and men continue to keep their concerns about sex to themselves, missing out on a very important part of life. 

Don’t wait for your doctor to ask. 
Studies have found that only 35 percent of primary care physicians ask their patients about sex at least seventy-five percent of the time.  Even then, the focus is on reproduction and the treatment or prevention of disease, not whether their patient is satisfied with his or her sexual encounters. 

The reasons doctors give for not inquiring include being too embarrassed to ask, not feeling prepared to ask, believing that sexual history is not relevant, and not having enough time.  

With this in mind, it is up to you to bring the subject up with your doctor.  Talking to your doctor is important to rule out medical conditions, such as diabetes, cardiac problems and depression that may be interfering with sexual health.  Some times hormones are the issue.  

More often, problems in your relationship, fears related to performance or body image, or a history of sexual abuse are obstacles in obtaining a satisfying sex life.  Your doctor can refer you to professionals who can help you with these challenges.   

Here are some tips on how to talk to your doctor: 

    • First, remind yourself that it is your natural born right to enjoy sex.  Just as it is natural to enjoy a tasty meal, because your body has been created to experience such pleasures, so is true with sex.
    • Keep a journal.  Take a month to record your sexual experiences, noting frequency, feelings you have when having sex, noting erectile problems, difficulties with arousal and orgasm.  Also include whether or not you even think about sex.  Healthy sexuality includes having the desire to engage in sexual activities.
    • Do some research before your appointment.  The internet and book store shelves are amass with information on sexual health issues.   Reading up on the concerns you have can give you the language and words you need to help you communicate more clearly with your doctor.
    • Bring your notes to your appointment.  Many people feel intimidated, rushed and hurried when seeing their doctor, resulting in difficulties communicating openly and saying what’s really on their minds.  Bringing your notes can help you in remembering all your concerns.  You can read from your notes or hand them over to your doctor to read.    
 

If you are one of the thirty to forty-five percent of people dissatisfied with your sexual life, take the time to address it.  Though you may feel embarrassed, your sexual health and intimate relationships are worth your attention.    
 

References:

Basson, R. (2005).  Women’s sexual dysfunction:  revised and expanded definitions.  Canadian Medical Association Journal, 172(10), 1327.

Bull, S. S., Rietmeijer, C., Fortenberry, J. D., Stoner, B., Malotte, K., et al. (1999). Practice patterns for the elicitation of sexual history, education, and counseling among providers of STD services: results from the gonorrhea community action project (GCAP). Sex Transm Dis 26:584-9.

Heiman, J. R., (2002) Sexual dysfunction: Overview of prevalence, etiological factors, and treatments.  The Journal of Sex Research., 3(1), 73

McCance, K. L., Moser, R. & Smith, K. R. (1991).  A survey of physicians' knowledge and application of AIDS prevention capabilities. Am J Prev Med; 7: 141-5.

Moore L.W. & Amburgey, L. B. (2000).  Older adults and HIV. AORN J;71:873-6.

Merrill J. M., Laux L. F, & Thornby, J.I. (1990). Why doctors have difficulty with sex histories. South Med Journal; 83:613-7.

World Health Organization.   Sexual Health.  Retrieved on Feburary 15, 2006 from  http://www.who.int/ reproductive-health/gender/sexual_health.html.

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