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Better Sex & How To

  • Stimulating the Clitoris

    The clitoris is the most sensitive part of a woman's body. Some women are unable to achieve an orgasm without stimulating this very sensitive area.  The clitoris contains over 8000 nerve endings, and similiar to to penis, becomes filled w ... More »

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I have never had an orgasm and can't figure out why.

Posted by Kim Fidi on 02/13/2007 in Lynne's Advice Q & A

Bookmark and Share    Tags: q and a, sex, better sex and how to, orgasm,

Dear Lynne, I have never had an orgasm and can't figure out why. What does it feel like? Do you always cum? I was married for over 10 years and hated having sex with my (ex) husband. Now I am divorced and in a non serious relationship that is physically amazing and I love having sex, but haven't climaxed yet. What am I not doing right? ~ Estelle - Feb 13, 2007

Thanks for your question Estelle,

It is estimated that 24% - 29% of healthy women experience some difficulties with orgasm and research puts it at about 30% of women do not orgasm in all sexual encounters. Researchers in human sexuality describe the female orgasm as “a variable, transient peak sensation of intense pleasure, creating an altered state of consciousness” that results in a heightened sense of well being and contentment. Orgasm is a subjective physiological, emotional, and, some might add, spiritual, experience. Physiologically, it involves involuntary, rhythmic contractions of the muscles in the pelvic area, vagina, uterus, and anal sphincter.

There are a host of possibilities that can affect your ability to have an orgasm. They can include medical issues that I would suggests you rule out by your doctor. Certain medications can make orgasm difficult and conditions such as diabetes and hypertension can cause a decrease in arousal which, in turn, can affect orgasm. But more often than not, other non-medical issues get in the way. History of sexual trauma and abuse, unpleasant sexual experiences in the past, lack of emotional intimacy in the relationship, extreme religious and/or restrictive childhoods are just some of the obstacles that get in the way of having an enjoyable, fulfilling sexual life.

I recommend the classic book “For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality” by Lonnie Garfield Barbach. It was originally written in the 70’s but there is a new, updated edition. It contains exercises that you can use to help you discover your body, become comfortable with erotic sensations, as well as help you experience orgasm.

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