Get fit for love
Posted by Jennifer Amato on 02/12/2008 in General SexEd Articles
Tags:
relationships,
You're planning the candlelit meal, have thought about a present, and are convinced that the most romantic day of the year - Valentine's Day - will go to plan.
But those gestures will come to nothing unless you're fit for love, and that means taking an emotional health check.
Whether you're trying to woo a new date, or wanting to spoil a partner it's vital that your expectations are similar to those of your loved one and that you're truly in tune with one another.
Relationship expert and counsellor Denise Knowles believes one of the most common mistakes people make is to heap too much expectation on the Valentine's event.
"It's a lovely romantic day but it shouldn't be regarded as the be all and end all," she said. "Romantic gestures needn't be confined to one day as affectionate, loving actions throughout the year are key to a healthy relationship.
"Many men don't realise that women operate on a points system - a bunch of roses on Valentine's Day equals one point, but a single bloom every day for a month, even a flower from the garden, is a staggering 31 points. That doesn't necessarily mean you have to splash out if you can't afford to because a hug, a compliment, and doing something thoughtful each day will be just as appreciated."
She advises that people should regularly give their relationships and their sex life an MOT. Follow our guide to getting fit for romance and wooing on Valentine's Day.
New Love
Be realistic about what you want from a new romance, and ask yourself what you want from a partner, what are your needs and what are your boundaries.
Then take a mental check on the other person's qualities, and try to assess whether their strengths and weaknesses are compatible with your own. We all have a tendency to get bowled over by the feeling of first love but don't dash into a relationship just on the strength of that.
He or she may have all the physical qualities that turn you on, but that's not sufficient alone for a successful partnership once the honeymoon period is over.
Long term love
Don't assume that just because you're in an established relationship that you know exactly how to push those romance buttons.
It's easy to take a partner for granted, and assume everything is ticking along fine but you should always make sure that satisfaction is not one-sided.
When did you last sit down and talked to one another about what you were feeling, your hopes, or difficulties and joys in your life?
It's not sufficient just to talk to each other about the routines of life, paying bills, looking after the house or concerns about the children. You need to check you're not heading in seperate directions.
SOURCE: Gazette & Herald.com
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