Source:  Linda Lewis Griffith, marriage and family therapist, SanLuisObispo.com

Last week I wrote about the five common mistakes that women make in their relationships. This week, guys, it’s your turn. Not every man is guilty of the following behaviors, and women are certainly not immune.

Rather, these are male tendencies that can create problems for you with the ladies in your lives.

If none of these mistakes applies to you, congratulations! You’re on the right track. You may have other issues to contend with, but you’ve got these under control. If, on the other hand, they fit you like a pair of your favorite 501s, then use the accompanying suggestions to become a first-rate mate.

• Tuning out.

Many men have problems staying engaged in their relationships. They withdraw emotionally and physically, creating a void at home. Technology provides one form of distraction as men zone out in front of the television or computer for hours at a time. Sports and outdoor interests can be equally alluring; husbands may play 36 holes of golf on Saturdays and Sundays, or go backpacking for weeks at a time.

Of course, there’s nothing inherently wrong with any of these hobbies. And it’s imperative that men take personal time for themselves. But when these activities become all-consuming and detract from time spent with wives and family, problems often arise.

The key to avoiding this faux pas is adequately balancing your schedule. Spend time talking and engaging with your loved ones. Turn off the TV, especially during dinner. Seek hobbies you enjoy that fit your family’s needs and stage of development. Talk with your mate about time usage.

The very fact that you are willing to address the topic speaks volumes about your commitment to the relationship.

• Not communicating. The most common complaint I hear from couples who seek marital counseling is, “We have trouble communicating.” It’s not that men don’t talk. They discuss different topics than their female partners. Guys go on at length about a problem they need to solve or a joke they’ve heard at work. Yet when it comes to discussing feelings or relationships, they act as if they’re staring into the headlights of an oncoming semi.

Women, on the other hand, love nothing more than to share emotions with their friends. They’re frequently befuddled when their mates avoid the subject like a hard-drive crash. But let’s face it: It’s hard to have an emotional relationship without occasionally talking about emotions. So it’s vital that men be able to talk about personal topics with their partners.

To make this process easier, identify the topic you need to talk about and don’t digress to any others in the same conversation. Stay calm. Use “I” messages, such as “I don’t like it when …” Or “I need …” Try to reach some sort of resolution: “I’ll only play tennis until noon on Saturdays. Then I’ll take care of the kids while you go to the gym.”

Ladies, you can help your guys communicate by not overtalking during conversations and by focusing on specific issues. Communication needn’t be either partner’s forte. But relationships can’t survive without it.

• Losing your temper.

Research shows that the portion of the brain that regulates anger is larger in women than in men. It’s no surprise, therefore, that males tend to have more angry outbursts than females.

We all get hot under the collar now and then, but excessive anger quickly leads to intimidation, fear and avoidance, and these are serious impediments to any relationship.

The surest strategy for managing this emotion is to first recognize anger when it appears. Notice the rising tone of your voice, the increased hostility in your words and the accompanying tension in your hands, face and chest. Nip it in the bud if you can by taking deep breaths, shrugging your shoulders and relaxing your hands. If that doesn’t work, back away from the conversation.

Never try to communicate when you’re on the brink of boiling over. Leave the room if necessary. Wait until you’ve regained your composure before trying again. You can minimize the chance of becoming angry by using calm, respectful language when you talk.

• Blaming your partner when things go wrong.

Blame is the result of anger that is misdirected toward an unrelated target. As with excessive anger, it creates alienation between spouses and incites retaliation. Even if your partner is responsible for making a mistake (certainly, none of us is perfect), it’s never wise to overreact or malign the offender. Rather, stay calm, assess the situation and take whatever measures are necessary to make things better. You’ve already got one problem on your hands. Don’t make things worse by berating your loved one.

• Failing to recognize important dates.

Birthdays and anniversaries hold great significance for women. Remembering those special days with gifts and cards tells them, “You are important to me.” Unfortunately, most men don’t share that sentiment. They report no particular attachment to their birthdays and anniversaries, and are, in fact, stymied by the value placed on them by their wives and girlfriends.

While celebrations may not be your focus, you can bet they are to your sweetie. Investing a little effort in this department will produce huge dividends in the long run.