One-night stands: a few rules
Posted by Jennifer Amato on 02/13/2008 in General SexEd Articles
Tags:
condoms,
sex,
sex toys,
sexually transmitted diseases,
relationships,
One-night stands can be some of the most interesting and freeing sexual experiences of all. You can be more forthright and demanding about your desires. As long as you know you can enjoy physical pleasure without a long-term commitment to somebody, there ought to be no shame in enjoying one-night stands with like-minded people-as long as you follow a few basic ground rules in order to protect yourself.
The first rule of a one-night stand:
Look out for your own safety. This holds true whether you have met someone for the first time or you're being sexual for the first time with an acquaintance. Before going anywhere alone with them, talk to them in public for long enough to get a read on them. It's not a perfect barometer, but you need to make sure you feel comfortable with this person out of the bedroom before you try anything in the bedroom. Also, keep a cell phone with you and tell friends where you will be. Whether you are bringing a partner home or going to another person's place, if anything goes wrong, you can call a friend or even the authorities if you need help getting out of a problematic situation. The odds are you won't need to do this, but there is always some chance.
The second rule of a one-night stand:
always use protection. It doesn't matter if the other person claims that sex will feel better without it, or claims that you can trust them. You don't want to get pregnant from a one-night stand, and you don't want to get a sexually transmitted disease. There is always some risk of pregnancy if you're having heterosexual sex. There is always some risk of an STD no matter what you are doing-oral, vaginal, anal or even playing with someone else's sex toys. But, you need to do whatever you can to minimize the risks. Always use a condom to cover penises or sex toys, and use a dental dam for oral sex on a female. These safer sex practices are always good to keep in mind, but they are especially desirable for one-night stands to avoid lingering effects.
The third rule for a good one-night stand:
Make your intentions clear. You know what your own intentions are, and you ought to know enough not to seek out a one-night stand unless you know you have the ability to live in the moment and not demand a long-term relationship afterwards. But, you can't always be sure about the other person. So, before you go anywhere with them, tell them that you do not intend for it to happen more than once, and ask if they are OK with that. Do this out of respect for the other person, to give them the chance to back out if they do not agree with your terms.
You also need to do this to ease your own mind. If the other person later says they want to see you again, you leave yourself in the best possible position to remove yourself from the situation or to go with this new possibility. If you want to stick to your original intention for it to be a one-night stand, you can decline and honestly respond that they knew that you only wanted it to happen once.
If you keep these few things in mind when and if you decide to have a one-night stand, it will be a lot more fun for you. The more you do to protect yourself physically and emotionally, the more energy you'll have left to focus on your sexual enjoyment.
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