Sex column: Knowing sexual partner requires moving past embarrassing moments
Posted by Jennifer Amato on 03/12/2008 in General SexEd Articles
Tags:
arousal,
better sex and how to,
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Ah, a new relationship. There's nothing like the tingly feelings you get when you are beginning a new courtship with another person.
The early days of a new relationship are spent getting to know your partner's mind and heart. If the connection is strong, the time will come to get to know each other in a different way.
Since every person has different requests and preferences when it comes to being intimate, the thought of pleasing a person you've never gotten jiggy with can be an appealing but intimidating notion.
What if it's no good? If it doesn't go well the first time, is there any chance of redemption? Do I just suck?
Fear not, here are some hints and tips for getting to know your new lover while minimizing embarrassment and maximizing pleasure.
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
The kiss is usually the first intimate contact between two people. If the kiss is bad for either person, the chances of anything else happening plummet.
The worst kiss I've ever experienced was with "Hoover." We had gone to dinner and were walking back to the car when he stopped me, grabbed my face with both hands, and attempted to suck my face off my skull.
Bottom line: Hold back the spit, kiss gently and use tongue sparingly until you get a feel of what your partner likes.
Heavy petting zoo
You still have at least some of your clothes on at this point, and you're exploring your partner's body with your hands, eyes and mouth. Erogenous zones for both men and women include the ears, neck, nipples, upper thighs, feet, toes and behind the knee.
Use your tongue, light finger touches and lips to kiss, nibble and lick any or all of these areas. Listen for oral cues from your sexual guinea pig to see what they like and what they really, really like.
Guinea pigs, don't forget to make a little noise - it's part of your partner's way of gauging what you like and what you don't.
The big show
It's almost time for penetration, and the condom is in its proper place. One of the crucial aspects of penetration is whether there is enough lubrication for the penis to easily fit.
A lack of lube can make sex uncomfortable, painful, and sometimes impossible, so make sure the vagina is "wet, " or self-lubricated as a result of sexual arousal. If there isn't a vagina in the equation or if more lubrication is desired, pick up a water-based lubricant at the store beforehand. Saliva can also be used in a pinch.
Once the sex is under way, don't be afraid to start switching positions. Say, "Let's see how else we can do this," or something equally indicative. It's a nicer way of saying "I want to screw you in a different position," yet relays the same message.
Awkward…
Squelch, squish, slap, pfft. It is my belief that sex creates some of the most embarrassing sounds.
The worst is what I like to call the "body fart." This usually occurs during the missionary position when partners hold each other close and continue to writhe, releasing air trapped between the bodies, which sounds literally like a fart.
If this occurs, don't panic, your partner most likely won't think you busted ass. It would probably behoove you to ignore it entirely and concentrate on trying to cum. If it freaks you out too much, suggest a switch to a less noisy position.
Getting to know the lay of your lover's land can be an exciting process. As the comfort level between you increases, don't be afraid to suggest other sexual experiences you'd like to try.
Communication and awareness of the other person's feelings is key when adding to your erotic repertoire, so don't bust out the handcuffs or the ball gag until after you've brought it up in pillow talk.
SOURCE: Andra DeForest, TheOrion.com
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