Welcome to SpicyGear's Blog on Human Sexuality. This blog serves as a place for the Woman here at my store to offer advise and information on different Types of Sex Related issues. If it doesn't fit in our website, we will place it here. We will be frank, so if you're easily offended, please leave.
Q & A - Expert Advice From Lynne Santiago 
Lynne Santiago MS, LMHC
Lynne is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC) and Certified Sex Therapist with a private practice in Tampa, FL. Lynne received advanced, specialized training in sexual health and human sexuality from the Academy of Clinical Sexologists ... Read More About Lynne Santiago »
Have A Question For Lynne? Send our experts a note and we will be glad to assist you in anyway! Ask Us Here >
Q. ME and my boyfriend have been dating for four years. At first the sex was great, but like in all relationships it died down. But now we maybe have sex once every 5 to 6 weeks, maybe longer. He has a pretty hard job and a little boy. When I asked him what has happened to our sex life he said well we never have any chances to do it. He says if we're at his house then he always has his little boy and when he comes to my house he's always tired. We used to always make time for it. I just don't know what has happend to us. Any advice?
Q. Hi Lynn, i get so jealous of my boyfriends porno. I feel like he spends all of this time finding the most gorgeous women with tiptop bodies to watch. It makes me feel less than perfect even though I know I too am gorgeous with a pretty beautiful body. It always makes me angry and seemingly ready to leave him when i think he's been doing it - despite our good relationship which is pretty beautiful! I dont know what to do except I know l'm buying a vibrator because I always had one before I was with him. I mentioned it and he seemed rather irritated and it seemed to hurt his feelings. Part of me says "HAH" inadequacey all around - but that is hateful and not fun at all. I plan on buying a small sized vibrator so he doesn't feel so bothered. Is there a way for me to create a better attitude towards his enjoyment of porno? The vibrator is a start but i dont want to be angry about this anymore if thats at all possible! I'm not sure what comes over me. Thanks sooo much.
Q. Lynn, My husband and I have been married for 7 years and when we first started having sex I didn't even know that a women could even "get off" or in other terms, have an orgasm but it would only happen once in a blue moon. Now when we have sex it's like I can't ever get off. What is the deal? My husband thinks that it's him but, I enjoy having sex whether I get off or not. But is there a reason why I'm not having an orgasm?
Q. My spouse and I have been married nearly 10 years and we now only have sex one time a year. We are both at fault. I don't know why he doesn't want to, but I'm just not turned on. He never leaves me satisfied. So now I have decided to get a vibrator. I am embarrassed to say that I have no clue how to use one. Any tips?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now. Im 21 and he is 20 When we started dating he was a virgin. The first time we had sexy he climaxed with in 1 or 2mins. I told him not to worry because he probably wasnt used to it and would last longer in time. We have been having sex now for a good number of months but he still only takes a few minutes. He is very caring and alway satisfies me other and i am happy with our sexual life but it makes him depressed. I've tried to tell him that it isn't important but if really wants it change to talk to a doctor but he says it is too shameful.So I thought I would do research to find help for him but i haven't found any answers. Please help.
Q. I don't know if you'd be able to answer my question. It took me while to realize from my past sexual relationships that I am a lesbian. I've dated men and have had sex with them but I've never really had *orgasms*, I love the female body, and have made out with women during college and I've had more orgasms in one night than I have with the male relationships. I already have low self-esteem about my image but how would I go about *coming out* about being a lesbian when my family and friends expect me to marry a man? I don't know what to do? I'm totally infatuated with a friend of mine at work and she is straight. Help!
Q. I have been married to same man for 27 yrs. i love him but we haven't had sex in the last 3 and half yrs. he was hurt very badly in an accident breaking both of his legs putting him in a hospital bed for almost a year i understand that he has issues about his legs being hurt.
he has been on medication for such a long time i am not sure if i should ask him about touching me or just leave it at the room mate stage again i miss being held and told thank you for small things. enjoy sex a great deal i have been buying toys to play with for the last 3 yrs. i have gotten quite a collection he made comment about the new toy box. that is under my bed now. i can't fix this alone. i understand that just need to figure out how to start the process over with him. 27 yrs with one person you forget how to be sexy.
Q. Hello my question is, When my boyfriend and I first met our sex life was amazing some times we do it several times in one night and we both would reach an orgasm each time. but lately for the last month or so I am lucky if i can get to touch me once a week and then we do it seems he reaches an orgasm and me left wanting more. I have tried different things to enhance our sex life talking, toys. I even tried videos but he says he is not really into them how can I get his or our passion for one another back on course.
Q. Am 24 and have not had sex in more than 10 year.I decided to wait for the right partner. Recently I have been feeling wet/horny and I thought buying a vibe, ultimate rabbit, will stimulate me and releave the urge, but oh my the experience was quite uncomfortable ulmost painfull. The thing is too big for me but it is only 5". I get stimulation to orgasm from rubbing the clit with my fingers with silk pants on but I have never had vaginal stimulations. Any suggestions?
Q. Hi! Sex with my wife has become nonexistent. Mainly my fault. I have become tired of satisfying her, and not receiving the same satisfaction back. Simply put, she doesn't try to excite me at all. I have grown bitter and refuse to continue with this charade. Taking care of her when it isn't returned sucks. She never touches me, period. It's as if I don't exist. Oral sex, Hell No! First it was she didn't like the taste, well I don't know how she could say that unless it was with someone else, as she didn't taste me, Duh? I bought rubbers, but then she said it hurt her neck and stopped in the middle. Refusing to try a different position. She is not open to anything new, and now claims she asked her sister about oral, who replied it's unnatural and nobody does that. Every woman I was with prior to her, enjoyed doing that for me. I guess I have to either leave her or find a girl friend, which she has accused me of because I refuse to satisfy her anymore.
Q. Dear Lynne,
I'm not sure if you could answer this but.. when my boyfriend and i have sex a very light brown fluid comes out, there's no pain or anything just this fluid the first time i thought maybe the sex was a little rough but it kept happening. It hasn't just been once its been on several occasions and it freaks me out because I don't know what's wrong with me. Its like if Jim always on my period because this fluid is constantly coming out of me. My boyfriend is extremely understanding but its still very embarrassing and it makes me afraid to have sex. Please help.
Q. Hi Lynne,
First I am 47 years old and my husband is 45. We have been married almost 2 years and last July he had a heart attack. Well,he has recovered from that but our sex life has went down the toilet. He isn't interested in sex at all. I may be 47 but I am still sexually active. My husband won't do a thing to change. I mean talk to his doctor. I tell him I want him and I have loved on him and it doesn't phase him. I'm at the end of my rope. I don't know what to do. This is getting so bad that my feelings for him are starting to change. He don't seem to care or he would seek help. Please give me some advice.
Thank you. ~ Sheila
Q. Dear Lynne,
I have never had an orgasm and can't figure out why. What does it feel like? Do you always cum? I was married for over 10 years and hated having sex with my (ex) husband. Now I am divorced and in a non serious relationship that is physically amazing and I love having sex, but haven't climaxed yet. What am I not doing right? ~ Estelle - Feb 13, 2007
Q. Dear Lynne,
For as long as I remember, I've never ejaculated while having vaginal intercourse. I'm fine when I masturbate, but just can't seem to get aroused enough for orgasm. What is this called? How can I fix this problem? We would like to have children and I hate faking orgasm. ~ Kai Feb 12, 2007
Q. I'm 21 and I have a small penis. It's about 4 inches long when hard. I'm scared to have sex because I'm a virgin and the 4 inches is embarrassing. I think women will laugh at me. Please help me.
Q. I have been diabetic for a few years now and even though I am on meds for it I have completely lost all desire for sex. Is this an area where a toy would help or do I need to approach this subject more with my doctor? Last time I asked they just shied away from the subject...what's a lady to do? Its been over 4 years since I’ve had sex and quite frankly think my husband loves me, but will eventually wander.. What to do?
Q. I have a question: My husband has been pushing me to have anal sex. I keep saying no. I am afraid that it will hurt. I am more afraid of what it will do to my insides over the long run. I see all of these anal toys so I can only assume that there must be some pleasure in it. He says that people have been doing it since the beginning of time and that obviously it shouldn't hurt me physically. Is there any chance of damage being caused to the rectum or colon after this type of sex? We have a wonderful sex life otherwise.
~ Mary B.
Q. What is the correct way to perform cunnilingus? Or is there a basic technique that needs customizing?
Q. I have been with this girl for about six months. We have a decent sexual relationship but I think we are both very apprehensive. We both wait for the other person to make the first move. Well I am just looking for new ways to spice up our relationship. I bought a the ultimate jack rabbit and the diving dolphin toys from the site for christmas. She has never used them nor have I. I don't know how to introduce it. Also we are not into anal but I know that touching around the area is can add to the feelings? I don't want to shock her but do I just go for it or talk about it first. Thanks...
Q. Lynne, ok, so i have heard many different things about having sex while on your period!! My question is do you really have more of a chance to get pregnant? Lots of people have told me yes more than anything, i want to know if its true?
Thank You!! - Pam. M
Q. Hi, I just have a few questions I was wondering if I could get some feed back on. I heard that if you don't stimulate your Clitoris or have an orgasm by a certain point in your life you do damage to it..is that true? Because I am 23 and have never really experienced an orgasm or that sense of release and recently I have been been experiencing some pain and tenseness down there and now I feel as if there is something pressing on my bladder because I feel like I constantly have to urinate..I don't feel like this is normal..
Thank You, Megan T.
Q. My husband (age 50) died 2 yrs ago in October. We were married nearly 30 years. I was hoping that my desire for sex went with Him, but lately my dreams have been more erotic. I am 50 years old and have been in grief counseling regularly since about a month after he died of multiple causes related to end stage renal failure. I have no desire at this time to begin another relationship. I have multiple health problems myself which require me to be on auxillarly oxygen at 3L/min. My question is "How realistic or healthy is my plan to ignore the sexual part of my being with the hope that it will just "go away with time"? My grief counselor is an extremely qualified, highly-educated and intelligent, caring, Church related professional whom I have much confidence in to help me deal with every aspect of my grief for my husband and for me; yet, I am reluctant and somewhat embarrassed to even bring up the subject of my "missing" sex life with.
Q. Dear Lynne, At 55 (me) and 52, my wife & I still enjoy sex, but she gets a urinary infection every time. What are the causes and how can it be prevented? Thanks, D.S.
Q. Q. I’m having an embarrassing problem. My Vagina seems to get dry during intercourse, and it becomes very pain full an experience. Is there something I can do to help can this?
Q. My boyfriend disapproves using a vibrator. Is it bad to use it at all? ~ N.B.
Q. I have discovered that my clitoris has gotten smaller or shrinking. Have you ever heard of such a thing? Please help
~ Vicky
Q. I have been with this girl for about six months. We have a decent sexual relationship but I think we are both very apprehensive. We both wait for the other person to make the first move. Well I am just looking for new ways to spice up our relationship. I bought the ultimate jack rabbit and the diving dolphin toys from the site for Christmas. She has never used them nor have I. I don?t know how to introduce it. Also we are not into anal but I know that touching around the area is can add to the feelings? I don?t want to shock her but do I just go for it or talk about it first. ~ Thanks T.M.
Q. How normal is it to be attracted to or fantasize about other people?
Q. Is there any advice on how to get over a sex addition or a way to convince my husband that he has a problem?
Q. Does a man's & woman's pheromone need to match to become excited by each other or is it just the smell of any pheromone?????
Q. Hello Lynn, I have been married for seven years and my husband is in the military and recently returned. When he was gone he came to visit for two weeks and the sex was great but now he pre-ejaculates and once he goes it takes about half an hour to forty five minutes. We both are twenty six and I worry because I feel like he has lost interest in me and when I see how he looks and is with other women, I notice he is not like that with me. I am worried and I really would appreciate knowing what you think.
Q. My fiancé and I have been together for 8 1/2 years. When we started to have sex, every time we did it, he would turn to porn. I thought that it was me; I wasn't good enough, I wasn't satisfying him, I wasn't attractive, etc. Then he stopped, but my jealousy got really bad, and now I find myself in a very bad predicament. I started accusing him almost everyday that he was cheating on me, and I think that the porn has an underlying effect. He said that he wanted a break from me, because accusing him all these years has torn him apart.......
Check Out
Each year we scour the globe to find the best Sex Toys on the market. We compile 
Unique in design, this revolutionary product is the first ever toy that can be used while making love. The innovative design allows for both external and internal stimulation for women engaging in both solo and partner play. A Vibrator you insert while you are having sex? Can it be...
Sunday night is getting less steamy. Sue Johanson ending `Talk Sex' on Oxygen after six seasons. Now 77, Johanson said she had to recognize that 1 a.m. (when her shows ended) was not her finest hour. Since it's a call-in show, taping the show earlier didn't make sense.
