Questions & Answers

Q. My question is regarding anal intercourse! My husband and I discussed it and being the type that hadnt really dealved into anything out of the norm, this was a huge step just discussing it! We tried it once and we had to go very very slow and this caused my husband to have to stop trying for a bit to allow blood flow to regain in his penis! (he went semi-limp I guess you could say). But to go any faster hurt me. We sucessfully did have anal intercourse once and it was great for both of us once we got past the initial insert. I am hesitant to try again though because it was slightly painful to get past that initial insert.

My question is....this may seem silly, but we both really enjoyed that one encounter AFTER I got past the semi-painful insertion. Is there a way to make this better or for me to practice on my own or even with him that would make it get better and better? I can't seem to find much online without getting into hard core porn sites which is not really for me. I saw this site when looking up vibrators. I thought perhaps that may be a way to help "train" that area so to speak! I feel very silly writing this! Any help?? Thank you in advance! I think this could be an area that could spice up our sexual lives as we are pretty boring kind of people otherwise! Everything has typically been very traditional.

~ Thanks again, Polly

A. Anal sex for many couples is a big step in their relationship. It shows a sign of love and above all, trust. The problem for many couples is the same one you are asking about, how to make this more comfortable for both of you. The first answer is Love. Yes, sounds crazy but by loving someone you show great care and concern for that person, so the first step is to show that great care and concern ( like your doing ), in other words be GENTLE. Don't force anything, let it come naturally. It always a good idea if you did some research, maybe read a few things that others do and have tried. My parents always said " four eyes are better than two, Eight eyes are better than four ". Next there are some exercises that you can do to open up a bit without being tense and for lack of a better word nervous. Breath, don't forget to breath, relax put on some smooth romantic music, music that will make you, just relax. Light some candles, set the mood. It also wouldn't help to have a nice message in the beginning to get the juices flowing. Personal Lubricant, Lots of it, very important (You can even try a lube with Benzocaine that will numb the area and make it less painful). This way there are no skin on skin rubbing. This could cause rashes, abscesses or worse even PAIN, to which you may never try this again. Not only that I find the smoothness of the motion when well lubed gives me a longer erection. Start slow and low, in other words use something small to start. Try using a finger at first then a small vibrator or dildo to start with. Take your time be gentle, make this comfortable for you her. Take it in steps, with each session gradually use larger toys. Small steps, baby steps. Last and most important " COMMUNICATE " Talk to, and with your partner. If it doesn't feel good try it another way. If you need to slow down say slow down. Communication is the key. Just the fact that you are so comfortable in your relationship to want to explore each other tells me that you both are good communicators. By following these steps and any other you may have read about it should help your husband to also relax, breath, lube, and communicate to the point of " No accidents ".

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